Asking Eric: Lifelong ‘loner’ struggles to make connections post-retirement

Dear Eric I retired a couple of years ago I like plenty of people I think have realized that bulk of my friends and even acquaintances were work-related My family doesn t live close I ve reliably been a loner so this doesn t normally even bother me I in the last few days had a wellbeing issue come up where I needed a responsible adult to drive me home from surgery and I had a hard time coming up with someone Bulk of my interests are ones done alone and when I looked into senior centers the things they had were all craft stuff that I have no interest in learning I m a woman who has never really had much in common with other women and at my age have no interest in an actual relationship I had a couple of really bad experiences with organized religion in my youth and I ve tried to find a new church over the years but find myself uncomfortable with the things I see and hear I tried volunteer work but like a great number of towns they are pretty much run by the churches and after I kept politely turning down offers to come to their church I exposed myself ignored or ostracized I know a lot of the concern is on me but how do you make friends or at least another responsible adult when you are over Loner but Not Alone Dear Loner I don t want to negate your experience but I d gently suggest that much of this difficulty is not on you authentically Numerous people of all ages struggle to find and maintain social connections And countless adults find social life in retirement to be a new surprising challenge One option you may not have considered is seeking out groups or programs that aren t necessarily geared toward seniors Perhaps you ll find more in common with the local chess club or a sports league for instance Intergenerational friendship is one of life s richest rewards and you may find it easier to connect with specific of these organizations You might also consider getting a part-time job that you like and seeing if you jibe with your coworkers If you don t you don t have to keep the job But connections can come from that as well Lastly while it doesn t necessarily address the responsible adult need right away a multitude of people find more connection through online groups based around shared interests hobbies advocacy or projects than they do in their local public These connections can then trickle down locally people might have nearby connections or they could themselves be closer than you think Dear Eric I am writing in response to the letter from the woman who had an Alzheimer s evaluation and felt isolated and lonely Unmatched Matchmaker Your advice to her to reach out to advocacy groups and to be more direct with her family and friends about her requirements was excellent As a board-certified soundness and wellness coach who focuses specifically on the demands of seniors and people of all ages living with chronic illness and disability I needed to offer specific additional options that she and her family may want to be aware of First various local elder services access points train and maintain a group of volunteer visitors for isolated elders in their region Multiple city Commissions on Aging or similar also have programs like these Second if the letter writer is even an occasional member of a worship area there is allegedly a group within that public that organizes regular visits to people who need them If they are not part of any faith tradition the American Humanist Association also has a secular chaplaincy effort which could be of benefit to her Third something the letter writer and her family might want to consider engaging a geriatric care manager who could help them to identify supplementary services and connections in the local society that could go at least chosen way to alleviating her isolation Geriatric care managers are generally people with anatomical and social services training usually nurses and social workers who have particular expertise in creating care plans that cover therapeutic interventions and the creation of everyday Related Articles Asking Eric Friends disrupt concert outings by talking Asking Eric Human conflict erupts at dog park Asking Eric Single mom wants to start relationship with handyman Asking Eric Grandmother wants invites to grown grandchildren s birthday celebrations Asking Eric Boyfriend s daughters refuse to meet new girlfriend life routines and supports for people with particular necessities This is not an inexpensive option services from local elder promotion access charitable organizations and worship communities should of curriculum be free but if the writer and her family are overwhelmed it could be a very wise expenditure Help Available Dear Help Available Thank you for this very thorough response I believe it will help a lot of people Navigating a loss of quota or providing care and companionship for someone who is navigating an Alzheimer s or similar identification can be very isolating This is a great reminder to those folks that they are not alone Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com