Asking Eric: After medical miracle, daughter is angry about mom’s travel

Dear Eric I m in my s and have a crippling illness that kept me housebound for nearly five years My daughter moved back home around that time after her sister took her life and left behind a young son whom we have been raising together A new medication for this sickness was not long ago approved I ve been taking it for two years and it has led to incredibly impressive improvements I have a new lease on life The manufacturers of this medication invited me to be a individual ambassador for them this year I receive a good stipend for traveling once every other month or so to talk with physicians pharmacists and other patients struggling with this condition The trips are very short one to two days and my physical demands and limitations are respected and accommodated My daughter is angry about this and wants me to stop She gives a number of reasons That I m shilling for Big Pharma the time it takes for me to recover from trips all the what ifs nonexistent financial burdens leaving her behind to cope with a recalcitrant teenager et cetera She refuses to participate or patronage my efforts in any way I suspect there s something else going on Could she be worried about the time I will leave her behind permanently What s the best way to discuss this with someone who refuses to talk about the fact that I will not invariably be around no matter how safe I try to be I intend to grab this chance to provide a person perspective and aid others struggling with this infection It matters to me Yet I also want my family to accept and sponsorship me just as I promotion them Client Person Dear Victim I m sure you re right there are perhaps a lot of other emotions and triggers influencing your daughter s position This is understandable but the first thing to remember is you don t need her permission to live your life Every family system is interconnected and yours is no different Collaborating to raise a child who is surely still grieving the loss of his mother as you are also still grieving makes that interconnectedness even more complicated Communication is key here as is compromise but I don t see your daughter s demands in that spirit For the moment table debate about your trips You needn t stop them especially if they are helping you feel you re living your purpose But you your daughter and your grandson should participate jointly and individually in family therapy Focus initially on the grief and the new dynamics of your family Sometimes when a loved one dies and life has to be dramatically rearranged we make the first or the majority right now available choice After particular of the initial shock has subsided it s good to revisit those early choices to make sure they still work for us I m not suggesting that your co-raising arrangement necessities upending instead therapy can be an opportunity to process what your shared goals are how you re working toward those goals and any places where those goals don t align Your daughter may never be fully peaceful with your trips Much of that is her work to do But by continuing to have conversations that acknowledge how much has changed you give each other the opportunity to keep changing and growing too Dear Eric I craved to respond to your advice to Lonely At Night whose marriage was in trouble and whose husband refused to be physical The letter writer wished to get a dog for company to which the husband was also opposed You stated if the wife wants to get a dog and the husband does not she should get a dog anyway This is a dangerous recommendation for the dog I have worked in dog rescue and adopt my own rescue dogs I have seen way too numerous times that when one person wants a dog and the other does not that poor dog suffers from neglect and quite often physical abuse from the party who never required the pet Then they end up kicked out of the home given to dangerous shelters or just suffering from the stress of moving to a new home Related Articles Asking Eric Father-in-law and life coach interfere with marriage Asking Eric Divorced daughter moved back in but won t move on Asking Eric Intergenerational work besties get stink eye from other friends Asking Eric Daughter refuses to cash check Asking Eric Good Samaritan gets hefty reward for first aid This person necessities to adjust or leave her situation NEVER get a pet that s going to be at menace A Concerned Knowledgeable Person Dear Person I erred in my advice by not adequately considering the impact that the conflict in this home would have on a dog I greatly appreciate you pointing this out Getting a pet won t solve underlying fractures in a relationship While adopting can bring a deeply meaningful connection with an animal into one s life the letter writer would be wise to wait until the home is more stable either through counseling or through separation before pursuing pet adoption Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly 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